Living by Your Values Is Supposed to Be Hard
Here’s a list of things I value:
I value honesty.
I value security.
I value generosity.
I value recognition.
I value courage.
However even though I value all of those things, I do not consider all of them My Values.
Some are my values—like honesty, generosity, courage—while the others are things I seek to guard against discomfort. Security and recognition are my defenses against uncertainty.
Making life choices from my values is often very uncomfortable in the moment, but over time it yields great rewards like fulfillment, empowerment, and self-respect.
Living from my defenses can feel comfortable in the moment, but over time it makes me feel empty, stuck and anxious.
Life choices are often a wrestling match between your values and your defenses. Between comfort and discomfort.
Humans, like animals, have basic instincts and needs in order to survive. So anything that can guarantee us safety and control is highly valuable to us. That’s why security systems, retirement funds, return policies, the military, insurance, etc exist at the scale they do.
However, humans also have a uniquely human nature.
And for some reason that causes us to want more than just survival and safety. We also want things like meaning, fulfillment, love, joy, adventure, significance, growth, accomplishment and mystery.
All of which requires us to endure periods of uncertainty and discomfort.
Many of us voluntarily leave comfort behind to embark on a hero’s journey to transform ourselves into a higher self. Our best self.
We seek personal growth because we want to transcend our basic survival fears rather than be enslaved by them.
Your life is a constant battle between living by your values and living by your defenses.
Your values put you at risk—physically, mentally, socially, emotionally and financially.
Every time you choose to live by your values, you let your defenses down.
When you open your heart, you risk getting hurt.
When you give freely, you risk not having enough for yourself.
When you reach for someone, you risk getting rejected.
When you start a business, you risk your livelihood.
When you question your assumptions, you risk losing your identity.
When you speak your mind, you risk being contradicted.
When you launch a new venture, you risk failure.
When you take a stand against power, you risk your life.
Living according to your values is supposed to feel risky. And that’s why it’s so hard.
So the next time you find yourself engaged in the struggle between your values and your defenses, take a moment to honor yourself.
The fact you’re even struggling means you are fulfilling a human purpose.
And next time you choose to act from your values, celebrate the discomfort.
Because it means you’re truly free.