Avoid these 3 mistakes when asking people for advice
Ask 100 people, “If you were me, what would you do?” and you’ll get 100 answers.
Some of them might actually be helpful, but only if you avoid these mistakes.
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Mistake #1: Taking their advice at face value.
All advice requires assumption.
When a person gives you advice based on their personal experience, they assume that you are just like them.
When they give advice based on who they think you are, they assume they know you.
When they give advice based on what they’ve seen others do, they assume their observations are truth.
Always follow up their advice with questions to understand where the advice is coming from.
“What do you see in me that makes you say that?”
“What lessons from your own life does your advice come from?”
“What else is informing your advice’?”
Gaining wisdom from advice requires interpretation. Get the context first.
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Mistake #2: Asking people who are invested in you being a certain way.
People generally hate uncertainty and crave control.
Your parents either don’t want you to change or they want you to become who they want you to be.
Your partner, ditto.
Your manager might care about you as a person, but they also need you to produce an output.
Your friends might be able to be neutral, but only if they’re not codependent or in competition with you.
This is why some of the best nuggets of wisdom come from total strangers or elders who don’t need you.
You’ll feel in your gut whether someone has your best interests at heart. Trust it.
Ask someone who won’t be directly impacted by your choices or changes.
Then be sure to ask Why.
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Mistake #3: Offloading the work onto someone else.
It’s stressful to not know what to do. It’s a lot easier to ask someone to tell you what to do.
This lets you “skip” the hard part of decision making and gives you someone to blame if things don’t work out. Convenient, right?
But the downside is that you’re the only one who will suffer the consequences.
The question “If you were me, what would you do?” is a trap that loops people into the drama of your life.
Some people may relish this distraction from their own life. But beware, they won’t stick around until the bitter end.
Instead, take what they say as inspiration for your own thought process.
✍🏼 Conclusion
Always ask WHY someone is giving you the advice they’re giving you. Keep asking until you clearly see their underlying assumptions.
Ask advice from someone who is unbiased, neutral and won’t be personally impacted by your choices.
Integrate it with your own experience, wisdom and intuition. Own your choices.
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Hi there, Eddie here. Thanks for reading. As a coach, I don’t have answers. But I have lots of questions. If you’d like help thinking through a decision in your life, reach out anytime.